WHAT IF I CHANGE MY MIND ABOUT MY PH.D?

They say all students have serious doubts about their doctorates at some point. I'm inclined to believe them. All doctoral students I've met agree. And I for one had massive doubts for long periods of time. So we can set one thing straight: Having doubts about whether doing a Ph.D is the right thing is completely normal, and it's OK. However, I know that doesn't really help.

Let's look at a few reasons for why you might be doubting your decision:

- It's really hard work and you don't know what you'll be using it for in the future anyway.

- Your experiments aren't working and you just can't face repeating them yet again, everything seems useless.

- You love lab work but all the presentations you have to do make you panic.

- Your supervisor is unsupportive and a bully.

- You feel like a fraud and don't think you're good enough to finish a Ph.D.

- You feel lonely, isolated, and have no friends in the lab.

- You actually don't like science as much as you thought.

There are a million reasons for doubt along the journey of doing a Ph.D. It's a long and sometimes very lonely journey. Some doubts can be small and easily overcome. Maybe you just decide that you're going to do that one experiment one last time, because after all, you do have that highly sought-after perseverence they were asking for in the interview. But not all doubts go away.

I started having serious doubts about six months into my Ph.D. My main concern was that I was wasting my time as I didn't really know what I was going to use my Ph.D for when it was all done. It soon became evident that I hadn't applied for a Ph.D with the right motivations and this made it really difficult to commit to the hard work. Some periods I really struggled, verging on a depression. To be honest, I probably should have quit. Doing a Ph.D wasn't for me, and I knew it, but somehow time passed and I lived with my struggles.

The difficult thing is to know if a doubt is small enough to pass, or if it's one that will linger with you. And if it lingers, how long will it stay? And how long should it stay before you do something about it?

If you take a closer look at the list above, you'll find that most of these reasons relate to yourself, your own confidence and ability. It's easy to start telling yourself you're not good enough, not competitive enough, not smart enough. Ultimately, this is about your mental health. Academia is not a place that supports a healthy mental state, it just doesn't work that way. If you're having doubts for an extended period of time, I suggest you talk to someone. Talk to fellow students, who might be struggling with similar thoughts, or talk to your supervisor or a postgraduate tutor. If you want someone who's completely on the outside, talk to a counselor at your university. It's important to get your thoughts straight and separate doubts relating to poor self-confidence from doubts concerning your future career. If you've gotten youself into grad school, you're almost certainly smart enough to be there, but it's not necessarily certain that it's the right place for you to be. And that's OK.

If you think, after serious consideration, quitting is the right thing for you to do, please be brave enough to do it. I know it's not easy, but it's always more important to stay true to yourself than to care about what anybody else will think or say. There is no shame in being a quitter. It's incredibly important to know when something isn't right, and so brave to take your life in your own hands and do something about things that feel wrong. You really couldn't have known without trying, and life really is too short to do things you don't love.

Please post a comment below if you're struggling and having doubts about your Ph.D! I want to create a supportive comment thread where everyone can share their thoughts and experiences, and you'll see that you're not alone!

#academia #research #PhDdegree #perseverance #doubt #mentalhealth